


talk tonight

by strongjaw



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Drunkenness, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2018-11-09 23:34:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11115234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strongjaw/pseuds/strongjaw
Summary: "... 'bout how you saved my life"Joker forgets what he wanted to ask her about when he sees Shepard drinking in the furthest corner of Purgatory.





	1. Chapter 1

After downing yet another shot Shepard waved her hand at the bartender to refill her glass. Sitting at the bar in Purgatory after Cerberus coup felt like a feast in time of plague, and all she wanted was to drink and drink until finally she’d be numb to loud thuds of the club and her own sorrow. Shepard didn’t even react when a hand laid on her shoulder.

“Hey, hey, Commander,” she heard Joker’s hushed voice. Everything was blurry when she turned her head to him, but thankfully didn't feel nauseous. “You okay?”

“Hey. Do I look like I am?” She answered a little too loud, grinning a little too hard and took her fresh drink from the counter. Joker winced.

“Well, that's why I'm asking.” His hand moved, gently putting the shot down. Confused, Shepard frowned at the action, eyes fixed on their hands. He looked around and motioned behind him. “I saw Jack and Steve here earlier, thought you'd be hanging out with either of them.”

After a sigh she looked up at him, lips still twisted in painful grimace. “Not sure I'm a good drinking buddy right now, not in the mood.”

“Thane?” Joker asked quietly with pale face.

“Yeah. Gone.” The words were said aloud, but the fact still seemed incongruous and she didn’t want to believe it, so nobody needed to know that. Nobody would understand.

Her pilot sighed, lowering his head. “Commander, I'm sorry.” She simply nodded. Joker looked at the drink and pushed it back to her when he finally spoke. “I'm sure he had no regrets. I mean, Kolyat…”

“Was prepared. So was Thane. So I thought _I_ was, and look at me now.” Shepard chuckled bitterly. “It wasn't supposed to be like that, he had to go peacefully, but no, fucking Cerberus had to take it away from him too.” Much to her own surprise, she started talking about exactly one thing she wasn’t going to. She gulped down her shot but it didn’t work - the sinking feeling in her chest was back, heavier than before. _Fuck._

Joker turned towards her fully and set his arm on the counter. “Shepard, look at me.” He waited for her reaction, and when her eyes (bloodshot, haunted) lifted from her glass to him spoke firmly: “We will find the assholes. They practically signed their death sentence.”

She shook her head, her words slurring more than she liked it. “Not sure I can do this anymore.”

Joker was taken aback. “What? No, of course you can. I mean sure, not in this state--” Slightly panicking he tried to smirk: “Although who am I kidding, you’d kick their sorry asses even from under the table.”

Immediately his vision was blocked with the brim of his hat. “Flatterer,” Shepard grumbled taking her hand away. Without thinking he caught it while fixing the cap with another hand. Shepard looked at him dubiously, half smile frozen on her face.

“No, I mean it. Once you’re ready we’ll get to them.” He squeezed her hand. “You _can_ do that.”

“And watch more people die just because they were close to me?” Shepard spitted, but didn’t tear her hand away. “Joker, we almost killed Kaidan today, and he was ready to shoot back. How fucked up is that?”

He shook his head disapprovingly. “Is that why you’re giving up like that? Look, he’s obstinate, okay? Always was. But that’s why he’s still alive.” Shepard nodded slowly, taking in his words, and Joker pushed further. “And Cerberus is too damn good at manipulating people’s flaws. I mean, Udina? He'd always been sneaky, they just found his soft spot or something.” He wanted to say she wasn't the only one losing people in the war, but of course she knew that, plus he refused to think about Tiptree or Arcturus - even though Dad and Gunny were okay Mom still was MIA, and it was all too close.

“Ugh, I wish I could shoot him again,” growled Shepard, and turned to hail the bartender for another drink, her hand no longer in his. Joker wondered why it bothered him.

“Well,” he snarked, “I’d suggest Lazarus, but the Illusive Ass won't do us a favor this time, huh?”

Shepard almost choked on her drink ( _perfect timing, Moreau_ , he scolded himself) and glared at him laughing. “Shit, Joker,” she hiccuped, and he had to pat her back to stop the cough. “I hate you sometimes. This is not even funny.”

“You know you love it.” He offered mirroring her smile.

She waved her hand. “Too drunk to deny it.” They sat in silence for a bit when she looked at him seriously. “What about you, Joker?”

He snapped his head at her: “What about me?”

“You said Cerberus knows how to ma-ni-pu-late people (she didn't stutter but had to slow down to pronounce it right). You knew it back when you agreed on their terms, didn’t you?” Shepard tilted her head.

“Well, we got our ship back,” Joker shrugged. “It’s not that I didn’t have a choice - you didn't when you woke up on the surgeon table, - and I knew I might’ve regretted it later, but giving up wouldn’t be better, would it?” He added somberly, lowering his cap almost involuntary. He hated talking about that, especially with Shepard, especially after couple of beers, and here they were.

“Yeah, you’re right,” she sighed. “And I guess I never properly said thank you for being there.”

He scoffed humorlessly. “You gotta be kidding. I _let_ this all happen in the first place, ‘course I’d be there. Call it survivor’s guilt or whatever.”

Shepard shuffled, clearly uncomfortable. “Joker, you know--” _it’s not your fault._ He interrupted before she could finish:

“I do, yeah, and you know that the brain doesn’t buy it, Commander.” _Akuze, Eden Prime, Virmire, Alchera._

“Yeah… sorry.” Shepard shivered and lay her head on crossed arms on the counter. _Now Earth, Tuchanka, the Citadel._ There was something desperate in this childish gesture, making it even more heartbreaking given her state.

Joker nudged her shoulder gently, leaning closer. “Hey,” he softly called, spreading his arms, “C’mere”. She sighed as if in hesitation but stood from her seat clutching her hands at the back of his neck, burying face in his shoulder. Joker felt out of breath, either from the closeness and alcohol fumes or his own pain - not physical, that he could deal with - that clawed at his lungs and heart.

“I’m sorry too,” he muttered, tightening his arms around Shepard, her chest now flush against his, so he could not only hear but feel her shallow breath. “Should've said it back on Alchera, back when you were brought back.”

Jeff heard strangled sound of her breathing and leaned back to see her face. “It’s okay,”  she sighed, rubbing at her eyes. “That’s not something one can discuss easily.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” he muttered. The moment was over as Shepard let go of him and sat back, and he felt hollow again.

Joker questioned the way somebody could come up with such an ominous name for a club (seriously, Purgatory?), but right now it felt much more appropriate than even the prison Jack was frozen in. With the war and everything they were going through the bar of all places reminded them of reality even better than smoke and destruction of the Presidium. He glanced at Shepard, who was still staring into her glass as if it would fill with liquor right there - and shuddered mentally because she literally had been in purgatory (it's not that Jeff was ever religious, but this was beyond religion or anything a human could ever understand). She probably still was, with those nightmares she refused to talk about to anybody.

“So…” Shepard startled him after few quiet drinks. “Shouldn’t you be with EDI?.. She must be bored already.” Shepard took a glance at the unshackled AI behind a distant table of the club.

Sheepishly Joker shook his head. “Nah, I think she's fine. You know, multitasking. Even off the ship - status reports, calibrations, analyzing behavior of dozens species in the club… The usual.”

“You sound annoyed.” She observed, voice slurring a bit more as she relaxed.

“Huh, do I? Well, don't get me wrong, I'm okay with that, it's just…” Jeff froze. No explanation came to his mind.

“Not what you're looking for?” Shepard offered.

His hand nervously landed on the back of his neck. “Probably. Then again, not sure what I am looking for in the first place.” Truth being told, he intended to ask for Shepard’s input about EDI and all this feelings stuff, after all she seemed like always giving her blessings to anyone on the ship. This didn’t look like appropriate time for this conversation though. But there was something else, something deeper, that stopped him, something he couldn’t yet process - or wouldn’t, suppressing it for years.

“Well, can't find out if you don't try, right?” Shepard nudged him with cheerful smile that looked somewhat out of place on her face. Right, she must be feeling as uncomfortable.

“I mean yeah, but I just feel that EDI is much... easier around Sam. Or Adams. Or Daniels and Donnelly… Shit, no,” Joker scoffed, “definitely not him, only Gabby.” He paused and found that Shepard stared at him rather surprised. “It's like she's trying too hard with me and the further it goes the more I realize I don't want this to be forced and I feel like I'm interfering in every other her relationship with the crew, y’know? That's frustrating.” He almost shouted it as if proving the point.

“Tell me about interfering in the crew relationships,” she chuckled. “Have you talked to her about that yet?”

“You see where I am now, right?” Instead of discussing his confused feelings Joker prefered to just shrug it off, especially now, but when Shepard glared at him Jeff lifted his hands gingerly. “Was going to, honest! Just saw you and thought that Thane…” There it was. Sure, he was looking for Shepard to talk about EDI at first, but seeing her like that made something clearer in his head and that was kind of an overwhelming discovery.

“Great, now I’m a scapegoat.” Shepard grumbled. “Joker, I’m fine, really. Go, catch up with her, tell I said hi,” she offered with embarrassed smile.

“The hell you are.” He retorted, and her eyebrow flew upwards in slightly menacing _‘excuse me?’_ Joker shrugged: “What? Don't want you to start a bar brawl or something.”

She acted offended. “Hey, I'm just drinking myself to unconsciousness here.” Well, weren’t they pot and kettle, denying their own emotions under a cloak of bravado. And he called Alenko stubborn.

“You've had enough for today, don't you think?” Joker tried in mocking manner.

She squinted her eyes at him. “So you’re a babysitter now?”

“That’s quite an accusation, Commander.” He noted drily. “Did you hear me calling you baby? I’m just a sitter, at a bar.” Shepard laughed, and he added coyly: “Come on, indulge your favourite pilot some company.”

“I'm not paying for you, Joker.”

He shook his head. “Not gonna drink. Neither should you.”

This time Shepard laughed louder. “Yeah, okay, you know you can't make me.”

“Chakwas can.” He shrugged, much to her amusement.

“Pfft, good luck with that.” She dared, snapping her fingers at the bartender.

Joker nudged at her shoulder. “Shepard, I'm serious, it's not an option, at least not here.” She looked at him expectantly. “Let me get you to the med bay or your cabin-- so I'll be sure you're in good hands.”

“Chakwas’?” She turned to him, articulating slowly. “Or yours?”

Startled, Joker cleared his throat. It appeared he was more than tipsy if their bickering took this unexpected turn. “You can still choose, Commander,” he managed in strangled voice. Wow, he was _way_ more than just tipsy.

She shook her head dismissively. “Drop the ranks Joker, you don't have to pull them on me when I'm getting too personal, just say it out loud.”

“That's not what I…” he tried.

“Come on.” Shepard scoffed.

Joker felt like he missed something out of this conversation. “Are you always that paranoid, or just when you're drunk?”

“Part of my charm,” she drank her shot; something purple, but at least not ryncol; not yet. “So you’d just leave EDI here?” Shepard looked at the counter, then replaced heavy glare on his face.

Again Joker felt uneasy knot in his stomach. “She's, uh, mingling anyway. So, I guess, be prepared to new questions about human behaviour after we leave.” That didn’t sound right, did it. _Oh_.

“Joker…” her growl sounded more like exhausted pleading.

“I'll warn her over the omnitool, she'll be okay.”

Her face scrunched. “Way to treat your girlfriend, flyboy.”

“We're not…” Joker gaped at her. Shepard looked bemused, and he sighed. “You're not making it easier, you know.”

“What's so complicated? You both were up to it.” She snided.

He groaned. “I know!” He knew it was a bad idea to ask her about EDI, so he didn't; now why did she start it herself?  “I'm not now.”

“Somebody else on the horizon?” It was like Shepard was genuinely worried, or something else, and he frowned.

“Wouldn't you like to know.”

She laughed, not really looking at him: “Come on Joker, I'll probably forget everything tomorrow, so no harm. Plus talking helps, or so they say.”

Shit, he needed a drink. “Look, last few days were intense, I'm sure you noticed but - thresher maw killing a Reaper? Standoff with Kaidan? Kai Leng killing trained badass assassin? This is just so surreal, and I can't really blame you for drinking right now.” When he mentioned Cerberus Shepard gripped her glass tightly. Sighing he lowered his head. “It's just that I worry, okay. And that’s scaring me.”

“Scaring you?” It was like she still had hard time to process what he was trying to say.

“Everybody - Anderson, Hackett, your mom, hell, my dad - ask me to look out for you, but that's not why I'm doing it. I thought that's what I felt about EDI. And I do care about her, but this is different. After your death nothing was the same. And chances are that we won't be getting out of this one, and even thinking about losing you again is scaring me shitless.” He sighed.

Shepard, eyes wide, lowered her head. “Joker, I…”

“No, you don't have to say anything, I've probably said too much already.” He decided, standing up slowly; now was the perfect time to exit.

“Wait.” He felt warmth of her hand on his arm. She frantically thought what to say and could only come up with “Let’s get out of here”.

He paused. She seemed sure, albeit anxious. “Alright. I’ll tell EDI.” They got up when Shepard tapped him slightly.

“Hey, is that Traynor?” She was looking at the bar above.

Joker squinted his eyes glancing in the same direction. “I guess?”

“I’ll be right back.” Shepard hurried where she saw Samantha, and Joker slowly detached himself from the counter and limped to EDI’s table.

He set his hands on it as he realized that wasn’t steady. “Sorry I’ve left for so long.”

The AI looked up at him. “I understand, Jeff. The Commander seems more relaxed after you talked to her.”

“Really?” He was slightly relieved by her reply. “Everything’s peachy then?”

“It appears so.” EDI’s nod was measured, and after his encouraging look she continued. “I was analyzing the music choice the club offers and found it… entertaining. Even more so, once I changed my algorithms to sync with its rhythm my efficiency increased on 12,3 per cent.”

“That’s a way to spend your shore leave,” Joker grinned. “At least you appreciate the beat.”

“Since Shepard’s orders about shore leave were clear I tried my best to fulfill.” EDI smiled, and her voice was warm. She was friendly around organics, sure, but this vulnerable tone she saved for Shepard and him. Giving her awkward thumbs-ups he spoke:

“Yeah, about that… I need to make sure Shepard has a proper leave too. You know her, ain't no rest for the wicked, and she needs it right now. I hope you don’t mind if we leave?”

EDI shook her head (she improved mimicking human gestures): “Not at all. In fact I was going to try myself as a DJ.”

She paused, and Joker snorted: “Please don’t say it was a joke, I’d really love to see it.” She shook her head again.

“Shepard needs your company, as was explicitly shown previously.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” The pilot’s asked dubiously. “We just talked and drank and hugged it out.”

“According to the Normandy logs the Commander tends to spend her time with her crew and, even though she gets to know everybody, Shepard never participates in the conversations, never talks about her personal life and only reacts to opinions and helps with problems.”

“Well, that’s who she is. She does talk to Chakwas though, and sometimes complains about the Council to me.” It was no wonder EDI knew about Shepard's routine, she was the ship after all, but Joker felt somehow defensive. 

EDI nodded curtly. “That’s exactly my point: she trusts you enough to talk about her own problems, so I think it’s only natural that you help her now as well.” She smiled again, tilting her head slightly. That was oddly heartwarming.

“Oh. Wow. Okay.” He knew that Shepard usually just smiled politely even when somebody gave her shit, and then would come to the helm to vent out; and usually he could snark her out of this mood or at least give her some time to reboot and so she’d go on headbutting her own way out. It worked less often recently though. But EDI had her back too, and that was reassuring.

He felt light tap on his shoulder and turned his head to beaming Shepard and slightly flustered Traynor right behind her.

“Hey Sam!” Joker nodded chuckling. “I hope Shepard didn't sign you up for a suicide mission? I know that look on her face, she's clearly up to something.”

“Careful, Joker.” Shepard warned with no real threat in her voice, and Traynor snickered throwing eloquent glance at her.

“Hi, EDI,” she waved her hand and smiled when the gesture was given back.

“EDI, I hope you don't mind a company.” Shepard looked at her sheepishly.

The AI smiled: “Not at all, Shepard,” and she motioned to the chair beside her. “Please, take a seat, Specialist.”

“It’s Samantha, since we’re off duty,” Traynor moved tucking her hair behind her ear. 

Grinning, the Commander nodded: “Drinks are on me, Traynor, so just sit down and have a good time.”

“Oh,” Samantha looked abashed. “Thank you, Commander, but it’s not necessary...”

“Enjoy your shore leave, _Specialist,_ that’s an order,” Shepard replied with a smile and her giddy voice matched her dimples perfectly. N-not that Joker was watching or whatever.

Traynor laughed and saluted playfully: “Yes, Ma’am!”

“And don't get bored!”

Joker rolled his eyes: chances were that EDI and Traynor would talk about the Normandy and everything work-related. Sam lifted an eyebrow at Shepard and Joker’s smug smiles: “Thanks, Shepard. You too!” she winked at them, and Joker wondered what exactly Shepard said her at the bar. Traynor’s reaction didn’t seem to affect their Commander though, since she happily sighed and threw her arm across his shoulder as they walked away.

“Sam, huh?” He asked once they were out on the fresh air. “Shepard the matchmaker is sharp even when she’s drunk.”

She giggled. “Jealous?”

“What? No, actually… kinda relieved.”

“I meant,” she hiccuped, “Of my abilities.” She tried to shove him, but stopped when almost hit his rib. “Oops, my bad.”

Joker scoffed. “Yeah, just don’t wobble too much, I’m the one with funny gait here.”

“Alright,” she agreed, taking his hand and landing it to her waist. Hesitantly, Joker brought her closer to himself, and they walked slowly. “Better?”

“Yeah, great, now we’re both wobbling.” He muttered, and Shepard pouted.

“Okay...” she tried to pull away, but he tightened his grip.

“No, Shep-- just... don’t let go or you’re gonna hurt yourself for sure. Jesus.” He felt his face going red.

“Heh heh heh. You caaaaare.” She drawled. “That’s _cuuuuute_.”

“Oh yeah?” Joker huffed a laugh. “Then I must be dashing every time you go on a mission. Or hang out with Grunt. I mean, you already laugh like him!”

“Aww, c'mon.” She cooed patting his shoulder slowly.

“Would you stop doing this? No, not this,” he interrupted himself and brought her hand back on his shoulder after she took it away, “God! I should be the one having all the fun at the sight of drunk Commander Shepard.”

She hiccuped, laughing. “You came here to babysit me, you think it’s always fun?”

“Oh, it’s always just hilarious.” He kept grumbling keeping his voice lower for better acting. “Zombies, talking plants, talking geth, talking Collectors...”

“Talking pilots.” She added.

Yeah, she could bite back even drunk. “Ouch. After all we’ve been through?”

“‘Sokay, you're still my favourite.” Shepard slurred putting her head on his shoulder lightly.

Joker stopped. “Yeah, it'd better be true.” Sure, they were just drunk and laughing, but...

“Spectre's word,” she smiled looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to cope with my current ME3 playthrough which is kind of hard when you don't get to romance the pilot. Also I'm kind of tired of no mention of Shepard's feelings after all the clusterfuck they've been through, so that's what I write about all the time lol. ALSO I think EDI should have had more options for herself, and I'll try to pursue it later here. If I ever complete the next chapter, so no tagging yet.


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard and Joker went up in the elevator to the loft, giggling and shushing each other. The med bay was out of their options - Chakwas didn't let them in and even gave them a bottle of Serrice Ice brandy just to scoot them away.

“Unbelievable,” Joker scoffed once they stumbled into Shepard's cabin. “She’s supposed to scold us for drinking, and what's she doing?”

“Probably chatting with Adams again,” Shepard sang along, looking for some music to patch through her omnitool.

When Foo Fighters started playing via the cabin sound system Joker hummed happily. “Nah, don't wanna know.”

“Not even a little bit curious?” Shepard chuckled.

“Do not tell me you are.” Joker shuddered when she tossed a sheepish smile at him. “Come on, Shepard! It's like witnessing your parents making out like a couple of teenagers! Or like if you'd suddenly found out your mom is dating, I don't know, Hackett.”

Shepard sputtered. “Wait, what now?”

“Hypothetically,” he added rapidly.

Her laugh was uncertain. “Yeah, no, she wouldn't. He wouldn't. Would they?”

“See?” he added smugly and Shepard gasped.

“I need to check on mom ASAP.”

“Don't go crazy!” Joker guffawed. “It's like the last thing you both need right now. Better drunk-call your ex, that's classic.”

“Shut up,” she grinned. “You weren’t that calm when you found out your sister is dating someone.”

Jeff stared sceptically at her. “'Course I wasn't, it's my job to be a pain in the ass!” But he was smiling, relieved, and Shepard mirrored his expression.

“They made it out alright?” She asked warmly.

“Yeah, from what I heard.” He sniffed laughing softly. “The connection is shit, but I'll take what I can get. One of Cortez's pilot friends was in the system to pick the people from the colony. I already swore to call my firstborn after her.”

Shepard nodded: “Fair enough”, and Joker felt odd because it looked like she agreed on... Well, he always projected any plans about starting a family on other people, but beside... no, with Shepard it felt almost possible. Ah, shit. Stupid feelings.

“I feel terrible and selfish about those who couldn't make it but I'm _so_ glad Gunny and Dad are safe.” Who cares it wasn't the only reason for his distress right now.

He expected her disdain or disapproval, but Shepard just whispered, putting her arms around herself: “I heard an asari commando on Huerta, she said what happened on Tiptree was gruesome.” As if her own friends dying wasn't enough.

“Yeah,” muttered Joker lifting his glass. “For the loved ones.”

Their glasses clinked and Shepard lowered her head slightly. “May we never fail them.”

“You know we won’t.” Joker gulped his liquor and looked at her persistently. “You're literally a miracle woman, remember? Thanks to you and Steve and others we lost a lot less people than we could.”

“It's not enough,” Shepard sighed.

He clicked the ball of his cap with his fingers. “Well, there's also me to save the day and be cool about it.”

She snorted. “Yeah, I was wondering how long you would last without bragging. But yeah, I guess I'm stuck with you forever.”

“Hope so,” Joker murmured, and when she turned to him tilting her head in surprise he stared back. “What.”

“Since when you're so sentimental, Lieutenant?” Shepard smiled wickedly sipping her drink carefully.

Joker couldn't help but roll his eyes. (And blush a little - okay, a lot, what are all these descriptions for anyway?) “Oh come on. We’ve been into this for too long to salute and pull ranks at each other.”

Amused, she shook her head. “I’m glad you see things in new perspective, but,” she pointed at herself, “Still Commander,” then moved her finger towards him, “Still following orders.”

“Man, you just have to be the boss all the time, don’t you,” he sighed in mock disdain.

Shepard leaned forward: “Somebody ought to remind you who runs the ship.” Her eyes were glistening with barely hidden excitement.

“You run it, but I fly it,” he opposed and before further argument lifted his head to the ceiling: “No offence, EDI, just proving my point here.”

“None taken,” AI’s voice came from above and Shepard scoffed.

“No need to be dramatic, Joker. Nobody's taking the Normandy from you.”

“After I stole it twice? Duh,” he snorted. “It's practically my baby and you’ll have to sue me to take it away.”

“Hey! The ship’s my responsibility too.” Shepard clicked her tongue.

“Yeah, well then the divorce will be painful. Besides, I know my track record - saved your boots from fire here, left to die there.” He added looking inside his glass. Why did he even start this?

“Moreau,” she growled, and he almost jumped at how unusual - yet arousing? - his last name sounded from her. “Do you even know how many times you saved me, and the crew?” Joker opened his mouth to object, but she was faster. “I get it that you're mad at me, but you need to stop torturing yourself.”

“That's rich coming from you, Commander,” he replied, tired. Her eyes blazed with anger at once, and he lifted his hands. “Look, I know I'm being an ass, alright? I know the stakes are higher than just our lives, but...” he sighed. “Nothing feels right anymore. The way they have been using _you_ \- Hackett, the Council, everybody - I know I can't save you from them, but sometimes I just wanna say ‘fuck it’ and fly away, to try and see if there're worlds the Reapers don't even know about. To see Hackett actually doing his job and saving the world.”

Joker rambled with no point really, but it was the first time somebody was listening, so Shepard didn't respond for a while. “Wow,” she finally managed, “You really seem to hate Steven. Something I missed?”

“For two years after Alchera? Yeah. And when they took you in custody...”

Shepard took his hand and tugged a bit. “They had to. You know how it looked from the outside, it was safer with the Batarians who demanded revenge.”

“You'd never be safer anywhere than here.” He stated harshly, though didn't let go.

“The Normandy needed repairs, _we_ wouldn't hide for long.” She objected, repeating the same things they argued about half a year ago.

Joker scoffed. “All due respect, ma'am, this is just bullshit.” His reasons didn't change either, and she couldn't contain her own desperate bubble of laugh.

“So what do you suggest, we'd just go all space pirate, flyboy?” She asked bitterly.

He cracked a smile. “We could do so much better as pirates than as Spectres, Shepard, you gotta admit.”

“Oh I don't know, if they’d ever made you a Spectre...”

“I would've died without honors on my first mission, but thanks for the sentiment.” He retorted, refilling their glasses. They drank in silence dulling echo of old wounds.

“Huh. You know, Jack once suggested to go rogue, flip out the Illusive Man…” Shepard mused after a while.

Joker gulped his drink, closed his eyes and leaned his back on the couch. “Ah. You should've said yes.”

She shook her head: “Couldn't.”

“Why not? I mean, aside from the obvious Jack thing.”

Shepard paused, biting her lip. He opened his eyes just in time to catch her frowning. “She, well, mentioned taking the helm violently.”

Jeff smirked, knowing that if he'd been sober he'd have actually freaked out. “Wow. Didn't fool around, did she. I'm just glad all that energy is now in the right direction.” He lifted his hand to the side. “Meaning, not ours.”

“Well, we both were paranoid about Cerberus, so I can't really blame her.” Shepard sounded exhausted. “But I immediately told her she crossed a line, and she was weird about it.”

“Heh, Jack - weird? No kidding. I guess that's when she all of a sudden visited me,” Joker whistled, and she gaped at him. “Don't look at me like that, you don't wanna know.”

“Oh, I definitely do now.”

“Nope.” 

“Nevermind, I'll ask her.” _Crap._

“Just note that anything she'll say that won't include heavy flirting is a lie.” Joker dismissed, and his voice almost didn't shake.

“She threatened you?”

“She threatens everyone, sheesh.” Her frown deepened, and he felt like smoothing her brow with his hand but - well, it was too far to reach.

“Guess you're right. Hey, EDI…”

Joker hurried to interject: “Now, you wouldn't distract EDI from her date that you so perfectly set up, would you?”

“Don't see why not. EDI...”

The AI didn't take long to react: “Yes, Shepard.”

“Damn it,” Joker whined.

Shepard smiled sweetly: “If I'm not distracting you right now, could you please...”

“I could, scanning the conversation Jeff mentioned earlier.” Electronic voice replied immediately.

“EDI, come on!” He almost panicked.

With the same nonchalant voice EDI added: “By the way, Jack says hi, she saw our ‘double date’, as she called it”.

“She did not!” Joker lowered the bill of his cap. He wasn’t drunk enough for this.

Shepard laughed, uncertain. “What's the matter, Joker, she's just messing around, you know her.”

“Quite the opposite, she did sound serious.” EDI did not help at all. That's what you get for unshackling an AI.

“What?” Shepard echoed dully.

“I think that's enough for one evening, thank you EDI! And try not to mind us while you're with Traynor anyway. Bye!” Joker abrupted nervously.

“Oh.” Finally it worked. “Logging you out. Good night Commander, Jeff.” 

The damage was done though. “Joker? What was that about?”

He sighed. “You wanna know what Jack came for that night? To ask about you, Shepard. About us. And I _was_ sure she was just making fun of me so I didn't react even when she tried to prove me you had some feelings too, and after that I just tried really hard not to think about it at all. I mean, you're Shepard, you could just, I don't know, snap your fingers and pick anybody. Me--”

“Don't even try to joke about breaking your fingers while snapping them,” Shepard punctuated.

“Aw. You're no fun, Shep.” Joker braced himself. “I'm really not drunk enough for this kind of conversation, also don't forget you need me to fly the ship before you react, uh, somehow.”

“I told her to stay away from you, rather aggressively probably, and she assumed that meant I'm head over heels in love and--” Shepard shut her mouth, unsure, then took her drink. “I need to shoot something.”

He fled to the rescue: “I mean, ‘get a room’ _is_  Jack's favorite way to end a conversation. And no offense, but she's not the most reliable source.”

She smiled sadly. “That too, but you were my best friend and the only person who was there for me, even despite the death. So of course I thought dearly of you, but tried to not cross the line myself.” 

Man, that was awkward. “Must’ve been tough for you Commander - I mean, resisting this?” He motioned at himself. “All these years?”

“Look who's talking,” she arched her eyebrow, bemused.

She lazily laid on her side of the couch, and despite all the drinks he had had that night, Jeff still felt thirsty all of a sudden. “Touché, but maybe I was just proving my stamina.”

Shepard didn't skip a beat: “Good, you'll need it.”

“And what's your excuse?” He attacked again because it was easier than processing what she just said.

“I don't know, living in denial? Why?”

“So we're basically just melodramatic idiots and Jack was right all this time? Great,” Joker muttered.

She squinted at him: “Was she?”

He huffed, annoyed. “Well shit, Shepard, you wanna hear out loud that I've been in love with you since you joked about that stupid medal back on SR-1?”

“I do actually, yeah. Thanks,” she smiled and reached to drink straight out of the bottle.

He crossed his arms as in protest. “I hate you sometimes.”

“Love you too, Joker.” _Wait, what now?_ Crooked smile grew on her face. “Ever since you got Anderson mad for, well, whatever you always do.”

He blinked. “You're not shitting me, right? Cause I mean it. I hate your stupid funny voice. Especially when you’re laughing. Or talking bossy over the ship comm. Gross. Doesn't turn me on at all.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it.” Joker froze. When exactly did she get so close to him on the sofa? “And I hate your stupid handsome beard,” she murmured, tracing his jawline with her fingers.

The pilot shivered. “Oh yeah?” she nodded, grinning. “Well, I hate your stupid hair, it's so dark and curly and smelling nice, and, uh...” he trailed off, forgetting what he wanted to say, and let his hand tug a lock delicately. Shepard tilted her head slightly when she felt his palm (finally!) touching her face.

They were merely inches apart, so she breathed out: “And I hate your stupid hat,” but never tried to take it off.

He licked his lips. “And I hate your stupid scars, which, mind you, are super hot. It's a real crime to wear them in some systems, you know that?”

Her laugh was low and warm. “Are those the same systems where having adorable freckles is outlaw?”

Joker snapped out of it. “Adorable? _Come on_ , Shepard! Don't ruin this for me,” he whined.

“Alright, alright,” she nodded, slowly moving closer. “I hate how cute your stupid freckles are.”

Jeff chuckled, not as mad as he supposed he should have been. “Smooth,” he approved in hoarse voice, guiding her face to his. _Fuck it._ The hat fell off as she leaned into him, noses bumping, beard tickling, breath burning, and she giggled again.

Holding her seemed familiar and he couldn't let go of her even if his life depended on it. Not ever. Not anymore.

Shit, he became a sap.

“Damn it, I hate your tongue so much.” He blurted when Shepard straddled him.

“I don't know why you're still talking, Joker.” She noted, messing his already shuffled hair.

“You hate it?” He licked his lips, and she stared at him annoyed. “What? I'm nervous as hell.”

Shepard hovered over his left ear, and it didn't help his arousal at all. “Don't worry, Moreau, I don't bite.” She breathed.

“Not even if I ask?” He regretted saying this right away, but Shepard only nipped his earlobe, causing his surprised soft moan.

“Only if you ask nicely.” Her lips were back at his again, and he pecked them lightly.

“Permission to grab your ass?” Joker murmured, hands gliding over her legs slowly.

She laughed, setting her arms on his shoulders. The sound went through him in vibrations, bigger and better than any relay jump. “Granted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really really need to be working on EDI/Sam fluff, I know, I'm trying


End file.
